Like a lot of Gen Y’s, I spent most of my 20’s learning financial independence the hard way, travelling/relocating around the world searching for greener grass and of course being in and out of doomed relationships.
I learned a lot about relationships and how to ruin them, from observing friends and family and of course my own mistakes – of which there were many. T. Swift ain’t got nothing on me. I am in no way a relationship professional so keep reading at your own risk.
As promised, here are 3 simple tips on how not to f*ck up a good thing.
1. You are not the most important person in your relationship.
I find the most common reason people argue is because someone did something selfish. Whether that's not cleaning up after themselves when they know it annoys their partner or demanding their partner clean up after themselves simply because mess annoys them. Both perspectives are selfish.
If you come into a relationship expecting that person to change for you, you’re in for a shock- and a one-way ticket to Splitsville. Not expecting your partner to meet your standards on something as pointless as cleaning is the first step to a happy partnership. If you see they’ve tried, don’t be angry if they haven’t done it exactly the way you like it. Seriously mate, who died and made you Queen? Appreciate the fact they cleaned to their standard and fix it yourself if it really bothers you that much. Perspective.
On the flip side, if you’re the one who’s messier and you know your partner likes things clean and tidy, don’t make things harder for them. Just try and do your best. Compromise.
The point is to always be considerate of the other person in the relationship.
2. “There’s no such thing as an innocent burger”
That’s a Friends quote by the way. If you didn’t get it you’re officially not cool and should take a hard look at your life choices.
Even if you’re in a good relationship, a happy relationship – you will still be attracted to other people and other people will be attracted to you. After some time when all the crazy hormones wear off, you will meet someone who looks like Joey and makes you laugh like Chandler. Okay yes, I have a Friends obsession.
There is no such thing as an innocent burger! If they flirt with you, be friendly but don’t flirt back. If they follow you on Instagram, don’t follow them back. If they send you a direct snapchat (why do you even have them on snapchat?), don’t respond. If they send you a random facebook message that’s nothing to do with organising your partners surprise birthday party – do not respond.
You’re not being rude, you’re being respectful to your partner whom you love and want to spend your life with – minus unnecessary hurt and drama.
It literally blows my mind how many couples do not talk openly about the most important things in their lives. What are you scared of? Isn’t this the person you’ve chosen to share your life with?
If you’ve been in a committed relationship for over a year and the words “we haven’t spoken about whether we want children” come out of your mouth, you have a problem. These are the kind of monumental, life altering decisions that you should be 100% clear on how you both feel.
On a final note, don’t belittle or criticise your partner – especially in front of other people. That just makes you a bitch and no one likes a bitch.
Love Alexa x